my heart scream for freedom

2011 is just a year of disappointment
everyday is just filled with endless disappointment.
do you think that i don't want to go out?
yes, i do
MY HEART SCREAM FOR FREEDOM
but reality always slap me in the face
sometimes, i'm really very scared that reality will just take my one second of happiness.
what's the purpose of going out and painting the town red
when you know that someone or something will destroy the precious moment
yes, i know my happiness is like a dandelion
just continue stepping on it

i hate my imagination
thought it is the best trait within me
reality is always the reverse of my imagination
all the time, i imagine about the future, the moment that someone praise me, the positive outcomes of my decision
but it always come out differently from what i imagine
like a hurricane that swept through a green and smooth pasture
leaving behind debris and despair
maybe, it is really time for me to slap whenever i imagine
cos it will never be what i imagine
i dont know why
the worse part, every nightmare that i dreamt of
always come true

"home is the place where all the people you live in stay there"
this quote is from "I AM NUMBER FOUR"
but what if you have a home but you just don't enjoy stayign there
what's the purpose of befriending some many people
but at the end of the day, you hardly know everyone
i remember someone in my new class
said that "jiayi can just find anyone in the canteen to have lunch with"
do you know that wasn't a compliment
cos i feel cheap
i know many but many do not know me
wanna see my inner side?
do you really want to?

dear diary,
whats the purpose of helping people laugh when no one gets the hint that you need the help the most?
kinda of pathetic right
so what if you cry for help for the past eight months
and no one is doing any shit
do you really wanna listen?

im not angry or sad
but just disappointed
wanna grant me a wish?
i just want to feel happy for an hour now and no one is there to destroy it for the next hour