count your blessings

dear diary,
today is the end of the year 2010
it will be a year that i may miss or forget
it is certainly another year filled with different experiences but mainly despair
2010 is a year where i witnessed alot of leaving and missing
firstly, i have to step down from cca
drama is my passion and stage is my favourite hunt
hence, it is hard to leave something you love
secondly, i have to step down from council
if cca is my favourite then council is my love
i had been a councillor for 4 years
slowly, i rose to an exco member
despite the fact that we arent appreciated, i missed it dearly
probably, once you leave, it wouldnt be the same anymore
we, the excos took different paths now
those who have to leave, leave
those who have misunderstanding, we didnt clear it up properly
those who are tired, decided it is time to take a break
yes, we are no longer the same
but fond memories are the things that we will treasure, they made us who we are
thirdly, i have to leave school
zhonghua is certainly a place that i transformed alot
zhonghuarians are the one that witnessed my change
despite disliking some dirty facts of the school, i hate to leave it
again, the moments that we spent with dear friends, argued with teachers, screamed at one another are dearly missed
see, three points are enough to clearly show that this year is filled with leaving
however, there are many happy moments
1. we won the cheer competition
2. the excos got into detention together, for something we didnt do
3. able to understand mrs lim better. YES, SHE WILL BE MISSED FOR LIFE.
4. vincent sang to me
5. there is teachers day performance
and many more, but there is too much so i shall only list some
there are alot of lessons to learn too
firstly, mouth is the root cause of all troubles, words are mend to spell disasters
i should learnt to use my mouth properly but that is difficulty
secondly, we should move on with life
whats yours will always be yours, even if it travels round the whole world before returning back to you
thirdly, we must bury all the hates and rages
life is short
ten years down the road, when we look back, everything is going to be a joke
who will remember me, who will remember what we did, who will remember that we hated each other so badly
everything is so going to be a joke
fourthly, we must learn to forgive and forget
we should be understanding, we should understand what makes people to make such decisions, regardless whether they are dumb or smart one
though is difficult to forgive and forget, but if we dont try, how will we know
hate only creates a long distance but love joins two hearts
i remember posting what is love
LOVE IS AN UNEXPLAINABLE FORCES OF ATTRACTION BETWEEN TWO HEARTS
fifthly, we should count our blessings
look here, not alot of people gets that chance to overcome difficulties
if gods gave you a hard time, maybe they just want to test you to see whether you are capable anot
hmm...
2010 is also a year filled with countless weird fates
fate always has a way to get into people's hearts
yes, due to fate, we meet each other and able to interact one another
we definitely need to count our blessings
YES, IM BLESSED THIS YEAR

pleasing

dear diary,
you can please the whole world but you cant please your heart-jiayi(M)
it is so damm hard to please everyone around you
do what they want you to do, when you dont feel like doing cos either you are too tired or you hardly have an interest in
is like forcing yourself to do something you hate
for example, it is impossible for me to go out and play soccer as i found it dumb
no offence to all the soccer fans, this is just my point of view
though it is hard to please others, but still you have to please them and at the end of the day, they would be pleased
however, this is like a balance
you please others, you didnt please yourself
what to do?
you dont please the rest, they will be angry and annoyed
they might blame you for being such a nusiance and they find you irritiating
a stuck-up, a pain in the ass, a pile of shit
we always do love others to please us, but sometimes, it is already so tiring to please others
when you finish pleasing one, there is another person to be pleased, then the third one, then the next one, and it goes on and on
tell me that is life
god, i want to pack my bag and jump to country story to farm
as long as there isnt anyone for me to please them except myself
pleasing the rest, please...

im still thinking

dear diary,
surprisingly, for the first time,i had no one to talk in msn
everyone sleep much earlier than me, which is rare
as im always the first one to hit the sack but tonight, im the last
im still thinking about someone's comment on the day of the dry run for games
i knew it was meant to be a joke and i tried to brush it aside
so i replied, "shut up la" then roll my eye
as you see, when i roll my eye, it means that im still in a good mood
but there is still a little anger in my heart
i knew that it happened 3 months ago but still that moment remains in my brain
it sorta of embedded within my memory, permanently
everyone that was involved in the accident, either moved on with their respective lives, or they brush it aside and forgot the whole thing
whereas, im trying to forget it but there are some things that you will never forget for the rest of your life until you meet another person.
guess, we really do need to GET ON WITH LIFE and we arent special to anyone
im trying to.

rewind and forward

1.Own leona lewis's echo album
-YES, I DID. IT WAS A BIRTHDAY GIFT:D i still keep it and love it. thanks guys!:D

2.Become taller and skinner
-NOPE, BUT I STILL GOT OUT OF TAF!D:

3.Wear black ankle socks to school for one day
-YEAH! UMPTEEN TIMES! now, i not only wear black one, i wore purple, red, and green

4.Hope leona lewis's I GOT YOU mtv hurry up come up
-IT CAME OUT!

5.Wants all my america shows to come back soon
-YES, THEY CAME BACK AND ENDED LEH!

6.Have new phone
-haha, yappie! A PURPLE ONE!

7.Own a RED or PINK or PURPLE eyepiece
-nope, didnt happen. but got a white headphone

8.Do finish homeworks everyday:D
-i didnt finish all but MOST

9.Score well for O levels
-哈，还是个未知数

10.Idiotic people please shoo
-yes, it is a rather a pleasant year. it will end with alot of moments that i will missed for life.

11.Take photos
-DEIFINITELY YES, 34 ALBUMS OKAY!?

12.Perform during Teachers' Day (omg, this is since like ages ago)
-yes, i did. LOVE IT


13.Go out till very late
-hahah, yes i did go out till very late, later then usual

14.Did something very special to both cca and council
-CCA, NOPE!:c SO SORRY, JUNIORS. council, YES!

15.Results to be awesome
-哈，还是个未知数

16.O-LEVEL TO HURRY UP FINISH
-ended months ago:D

17.Got cheer competition this year
-yes, got! WOOTS! 1st, 1st, 1st

18.More interesting things happening to ZHSS
-GOT! all the small details that i finally get to see!:D
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i was reading through my old posts
starting from the first post of the year 2010
and this was the first post
hence i decided to repost it and see whether i did completed all my wish list
looking throught, i did completed most of them except some
two of them were rather unknown and i could only get to see whether it will come true on 10 jan 2011
the only word that i could describe this year is unexpectedly
things happened out of control, words came out without thinking much, relationship became sour or sweet at the end of year, EVERYTHING CHANGES
the only thing that didnt change much will be myself

if you leave

who doesnt once feel that their hearts are ripping out from their chest
and torn into pieces
but reality is harsh, truth hurts
we still have to get on with life, no matter how difficult it seems to be
i realised i cant be dear kelly cos my advices are bad
if im really kelly, probably the entire singaporean population committed sucide
just get over with life, i love to use
but it isnt easy
your eyes tells you not to look at him or her, your nose tells you that his cologne or her perfume no longer lingers on your clothes, your skin tells you that he or she isnt going to hold your hands anymore, your ears tells him that you should stop listening things about him or her and just get on with life and your mouth stops you from praising him or her.
HOWEVER, your heart tells you not to get over with it
and you will neglect the rest and follow your heart's desire
ha, just get over with life is just an understatement
we can do it but how long before we can truely forget the pain
yes, time is the best medicine
how long does time cures your heart?
once broken twice shy,
i keep my distance but you still catch my eyes
if you leave...

look through his eyes

Unlock the shuckles and she shall fly
she had no more tears to cry
Basked her in a crimson satin
as she sing the happy song in latin

Look through his eyes
The man that you just said bye
For the moment, tears came out
as he made his way into the crowd

Their love is like the fireworks
Vibrant,colourful yet short-live
And this love will disintegrate into dirt
No one to look and no one to give

Look throught his eyes
The man that you just said bye
Forget about the sweet moments
His soul of ice is frozen

if and eve

dear diary,
initially, i was going out but it sort of got cancelled
hence, i remained at home
it was a delight and a disappointment
i was planning to sleep throught the whole afternoon till i pulled myself out of the 1 minute of break
christmas eve shouldnt be a dull day, it should be one filled with happiness and sharing
thus, i threw on a shirt that i hardly wear and put on my newest shoes and went to library
i borrowed two books that i think i will love it
however, i still didnt read them at all
then, i decided
since it is christmas tomorrow, i should give myself a gift
i thought of the most pleasant present that i will love to receive would it be a pot of flower, any kind of flower
hence, i went to home fix
they only sell cactus and green leaves
YUCKS, no flowers;C
i went to search for the flower seeds, it was expensive
i could see that the people deliberately made it more expensive since christmas is really round the corner
then, i made the most bolding choice
i took the train to kovan
you know that kovan had alot of orchads that sold flowers
however, it drrizled and i was disappointed cos i dont want to walk in the rain
MAYBE THIS IS GOD'S WILL that i shouldnt shop for flowers today
another round of procrastination

上个圣诞节

上个圣诞节，我给你的真心
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
可是，你却把它送走
But the very next day you gave it away
今年，为了别让自己哭泣
This year, to save me from tears
我把真心给一个特别的人
I'll give it to someone special

一朝被蛇咬，十年怕井绳
Once bitten and twice shy
虽然彼此有了距离，但你还是我的焦点
I keep my distance, but you still catch my eye
亲爱的，你还认得我吗？
Tell me baby, do you recognize me?
都过一年了，我也感到不稀奇
Well it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me

圣诞节快乐
Merry Christmas

我送出我精心包装的爱
I wrapped it up and sent it
与一个写着：“我爱你”的真诚卡片
With a note saying 'I love you', I meant it
现在，我才知道我曾经是一个傻瓜
Now I know what a fool I've been
若你再亲我，我知道一切都是虚假的
But if you kissed me now, I know you'd fool me again

上个圣诞节，我给你的真心
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
可是，你却把它送走
But the very next day you gave it away
今年，为了别让自己哭泣
This year, to save me from tears
我把真心给一个特别的人
I'll give it to someone special

上个圣诞节，我给你的真心
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
可是，你却把它送走
But the very next day you gave it away
今年，为了别让自己哭泣
This year, to save me from tears
我把真心给一个特别的人
I'll give it to someone special

在一个吵闹的房间里，大家都累了。
A crowded room, friends with tired eyes
我正在躲避着无情的你
I'm hiding from you, and your soul of ice
可能，你只需要一个人的依靠
I thought you were someone to rely on
但，我只是给你我的肩膀，让你好好哭泣
Me, I guess I was a shoulder to cry on

我正在找寻一个烈火雄心的朋友
A friend to discover with a fire in her heart
你，披着羊皮的狼，你撕破了我全世界
A man under cover but you tore me apart
现在，我再也不会被你骗了，因为我找到真爱
Now I've found a real love, you'll never fool me again

上个圣诞节，我给你的真心
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
可是，你却把它送走
But the very next day you gave it away
今年，为了别让自己哭泣
This year, to save me from tears
我把真心给一个特别的人
I'll give it to someone special

上个圣诞节，我给你的真心
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
可是，你却把它送走
But the very next day you gave it away
今年，为了别让自己哭泣
This year, to save me from tears
我把真心给一个特别的人
I'll give it to someone special

上个圣诞节，我给你的真心
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
可是，你却把它送走
But the very next day you gave it away
今年，为了别让自己哭泣
This year, to save me from tears
我把真心给一个特别的人
I'll give it to someone special

我把真心给一个特别的人
I'll give it to someone special

liar

liar liar, pants on fire
does this sounds pretty familiar?
ya, we used to say that when we are 5 years old, while attending our pre-school
our mothers used to teach that we arent supposed to lie
however, as we age each day, we tend to say the same lie
it isnt long. in fact, its rather short, simple and sweet.
"i'm/its okay"
yes, okay is a powerful word
it has the power to assure people while convince people that it is the truth, despite being a lie
thus, we are all liars. in fact, the only person that we lie to is ourselves
we know it isnt okay but still we tell others, or rather, ourself that it is okay
seriously, what can we do?
scream at that person, saying that it isnt okay? i doubt it will ever work
in fact, you are trying to make that person guilty for hurting you, that isnt what you intend to do
okay, you are a bad bad bad word
dont you wish to be away from "okay", this word?
i remembered that once there is a facebook fan group which goes like this:
if a girl says "i'm okay", she is waiting for someone to say, "i know you aren't okay"
but i find it quite sterotypical.
i'm still waiting for someone to say that
dear diary,
i know that i'm not okay despite saying i'm okay
at least, i believe you cos you will never say this

dumb and naive

the greatest happiness is your imagination and the greatest pain is truth-jiayi(M)dear diary,
i admit that my imagination is extremely wild and i realised that i shouldnt trust my imagination.
indeed, virtual is the opposite of reality
everytime, i imagine some things, it will turn out quite the opposite
hence, i decided that i should start imagining negative stuffs, if i wish to receive great achievements
hence, i started having negative thoughts and picture negative things to happen so i can hope that positive things will happen
is that dumb?
truth hurts, the greatest pain is truth
hence, people who lies arent definitely bad people
they just wish to protect you from hearing the truth as you will be severly hurt
what could we do?
humans, we love to be dumb and naive
we wish to keep ourselves from the hurtful truth
we always paint to the most beautiful painting of all
where there is white fluffy clouds and the mountain terrains are filled with fresh grass
you and her will lie on the grass and look upwards, laughing away as you two try to figure out the shapes of clouds
but truth is like the torrential rain
it will wash away everything
the clounds will instantaneously turn into dark clouds that blocks of the sun and everywhere will be flooded
indeed, a great picture turns into a real nightmare
i wish to be dumb and naive if truth hurts
but im smart.
if i really give a sad face [:C], i really mean it

first and last

dear diary,
im staring on a crisp white piece of paper, holding the fountain pen tightly
ideas flowed into my brain, my imagination run wild, words appear in my mind, but nothing comes out from the pen
i shook it, the ink splurts out and stains the oak table
the daunting fact rushed to me, i couldnt write anything
im not disabled but i dont know how to express myself
out of a thousand words, i couldnt find the appropriate words to write the message
i crushed the flawless paper. within a second, it turned to a disguisting trash
i threw it into the fire pit and look.
the amber fire swallowed it slowly like a snake, the remains of the paper was just a third of ash.
i sighed.
i took the last paper of the whole stack and i wrote, "dear diary"

dear john

dear blog,
today, i watched dear john, it was indeed a great and touching movie.
one classic line is, "if i hear your voice, i may change my mind"
that line is really the best out of so many lines in the whole movie
it is so sweet and touching
all the letters that they wrote to one another is so splendid.
i must say that fate must be the main theme of the whole movie
cos how they meet is so ridiculous.
the main actress's purse fall into the sea, and the main actor went to retrieve it and she invited him to her bbq party
though it may sounds cheesy but its so sweet
i think i shall blog tomorrow cos i wrote a draft in my phone but i didnt feel like typing

there are times that we dont want to be protected

宁愿

人被赋予情绪，喜怒哀乐，可是大家都较喜欢怒与哀
每一天，你见过多少人真的是放下身上所有的包袱，而从心里的最深处，放胆去笑呢？
当然，不能把奸笑算在里头，应该是少之又少
放眼过去，到底有谁在笑呢，又有几位人士能让他人哈哈大笑呢？
大多数的人都苦这脸，仿佛大家的脸都天生就如此
可惜啊，人因为让怒于哀征服全部的情绪，边忘了还有喜与乐
若你问我，为何我生病时，还能如此开朗
那么何人定义生病就如同悲伤呢？
就是在遇到负面的问题时，我们应该用正面的想法去解决
我宁愿累死自己，好过留在此地，让病毒渐渐地扩散
我宁愿高高兴兴地度每一天，好过瘫痪在充满病菌的病床上，等待着死神出现在我眼前

down

dear diary,
jiayi is officially sick
at least, this had proven that i am not a man made out of steel
there are times that i will be down with serious illness
probably due to this flu
my tolerance level is rather limited now
i got a bad BAD BAD feeling that i will be pissed of rather easily nowadays
as you see, i have a rather short fuse, now i become a bomb with only 10 seconds before it will explode
initially, i didnt intend to blog but i was rather pissed with the game proposal
i hardly curse the laptop but i rather couldnt restrain myself cos IT isnt really my type of thing
i really dun noe how to use such technology
xing qin, you cannot blame if i send beatrice the log list so late:O
cos im procrastinating due to my fluD:

im yours

dear diary,
i realised that people in youtube is rather dumb and silly
i think that the thumb ups or downs is rather retarded
why will they put it there for the first place?
if the singer see so many dislike buttons, will they be happy?
since when discouraging is another form of encouraging?
recently, i attended theatresports
a EXTREMELY long and tiring camp
can you believe that i slimmed down:O (PS: goodbye fat cheeks!)
anyway, i realised that im a rather negative person
it is rather tough to praise somebody
cos i will always see that they made some major mistakes on stage
then, jacky did point out that we arent professional, so who are we to give such comments
we, the humans always tend to see the bad side of another person
the negative side of the person is so flamboyant and outstanding that we ignored all the positive side of one
we always tend to say that one is fat and ugly
we didnt say that she is rather a pretty and slim girl inside her heart
we always will say that the person is so busy and doesnt have time to spare with us
but we didnt say that he is rather a hardworking person and he always place us as his top priority
maybe all this is because of the fast pace
we want things to be done in a perfect manner and it must be quick
thus, we dont want to give good comments since all of us definitely feel that good comments are not constructive, thus we only focus on the bad points
however, if we place ourselves in other people's boots
will we enjoy it?
nope, in fact, i will just stand up and scold my boss in the face
that will only happen if i really cannot stand it anymore
so i think we should sometimes slow down our pace and appreciate things around us
无意中，我们可能发现身边的花渐渐的绽放，五颜六色

hey soul sister

dear blog,
i always respect my own writing,
im very proud for my own stories,
i really rack my brain for my poems
so please do respect for my blog posts
im not someone who really like people to comment negatively on my posts
nor discuss about my perspection towards things
i lead a rather low-profile life in reality, and im definitely not the one who is always active, laugh loudly nor crack jokes when i stepped into my house
so im not the one who enjoy people commenting about stuffs of my blog in front of people
i do enjoy attention but not those that require me to be stupid nor dumb
like seriously, arent we humans? come on, you dont want people to make fun of you, so you dont right? i believe that is call mutual respect
ha.
anyway, heard a ridiculous thing today
rumours said that all left-handers have a twin self, but we kicked it to death when our mother is pregnant.
i dont believe it to the MAX
so if i do have a twin self, i will definitely say "HI, SOUL SISTER!:D THERE IS A ME, THERE IS A YOU, THERE WILL BE A WE, AND THERE WILL BE TRUST!:D"