看似全世界的人都是你的朋友，
但实际上，你是一个无人岛。
I miss old friends, alot.
Dear diary...

lets compare

dear diary,
i'm pretty sicked of this world now
everything is money, money and just money.
I know that one will die without money
but is your entire life only revolve around money?
People blame of my sudden temper as stress
more like tired of everything
tired of making choice
when there isn't a choice in the first place
people just love giving me to choose one from two
when i can't choose
i'm also pretty sicked of people whining to me how lousy their life is
how lousy could it be?
People complain to me that they dont want go cca
do you think i as a president likes to go cca that much?
Think, if i also complain along, who is going for cca then?
How much worse can it be when i have to choose to give up on either my academic or cca?
You tell me how to choose?
People complain to me regarding friends.
I'm counting the number of times that my friends had disappointed.
They love suspending me in the midair.
People love to give me the cold feet when i already looked forward to it days ago.
Imagine you have to a lonely lunch one day cos you can't find anyone to accompany you.
What are friends, like seriously?
Now, i'm starting to doubt it myself.
i hate it when people say i have alot of friends?
Oh really?
When i'm in trouble, how many of them will be there?
I just wanna a break.
I don't want any drama o rama anymore.
I'm just a seventeen going to eighteen boy.
No, some super hero.
You cant expect me to a overachiever?
I can't be the best cca president, best friend that one will have, best son that helps you settle everything when you're asleep.
I havent have my enough sleep for three days already.
So before anyone bitch in front of me, i think i should be the one talking
having a serious heartache now.
My heart is damn pain now.
Goodnight. Sometimes, i wish i will never wake up. I'm just not that strong to live up to every single one's expectations.

as if i got a choice

CCA vs Studies, Teacher vs Parents. You tell me how to choose?

GOODBYE 2011 AND HELLO 2012

dear diary,
this will be my last 2011 post, and this is the 780 post for my blog!:)
HAPPY KIDDO!
okay, as usual, i will make a wish list for the new year!
so here i go!:)
WISH LIST:

1. receive a surprise for my 18th birthday (18th FOREVER)
2. BAI YUN GANG 2012 TO BE A SUCCESS! (REALLY CROSS MY FINGER! my 9th year in drama)
3. buy a green, brown and black shoe!:) (hahahah, shoe-maniac on the lose)
4. buy LEONA LEWIS's new GLASSHEART ALBUM! (L.L FTW)
5. have a great time in PROM (hope i can buy an unique suit, not the normal gray or white or black suit)
6. receive a bouquet of lovely flowers (i think i will squeal in delight)
7. attend a flashmob (i hope is some dancing or singing one, not like the retarded motionless one)
8. ALL MY FRIENDS AND PEOPLE THAT I KNOW CAN DONT NEED U-TURN AND TAKE As!:)
9. a levels to score well (OF COURSE)
10. NAFPA to score super well (I DON'T WANT TO GO ARMY 3 MONTHS EARLIER, i want my holidays)
11. CUT MOHAWK!:) (i always want to, just no courage to do so)
12. STAY OUT AT NIGHT TILL 12 MIDNIGHT!:) (difficult ba)
13. will not lose any of my current friends (i love them till the day i die)
14. buy suspenders (i really strong feeling that suspenders will be coming back to fashion)
15. change specs, but not because of the increase eye sight
16. visit USS! (until now, i dont dare to spend so much on entertainment)
17. PARENTS' HEALTH TO BE PERFECT!
18. buy green and red shorts (HAHAHA, JUST WANNA BE DARING FOR ANOTHER YEAR)
19. pierce my ear (IMPOSSIBLE)
20. buy the awesome white shoes with anthony (HAHAHHA, I REALLY HOPE)
21. have a great time during CLASS CHALET! (first time whole class outing sia)
22. keep in touch with JC friends after graduation
23. in the PINK OF HEALTH for most of the year!
24. 2012 NOT BE THE END OF WORLD! (i still got 2 milion things havent do, especially i haven't marry yet)
25. make someone happy everyday (yes, is important to BE HAPPY! CHEERS!)
26. give someone an awesome birthday present
27. watch the complete NOOSE season 5 (i love LULU and BABARELLA)
28. FACEBOOK 4000th PHOTOS (A FEW HUNDREDS LEFT)
29. my 333th tweet will be wishing myself HAPPY BIRTHDAY!:)

HAPPY NEW YEAR KIDS!:) me love my 3Fs. (family, friends and future wife)

i'm afraid to fall

dear diary,
this is the first time that i'm not thankful to live another day for this year
yes, i love this december holiday
it is peaceful and quiet, no drama o rama
no inter-personal relationship problems
but the feeling that "im not really needed" came rushing back last night
just feel very sad
i stopped typing, to wonder how many of my friends will cry and miss me when i die.
then i realised that i'm shallow
i seems to have a thousand friends but how many of them are really close friends
i treat many of my friends like i'll die without them
but it seems that none of them treat me back the same
sometimes, i just need people to call me "darling, dear, my love" instead of "buddy, awesome"
so, i think that "i'm not really needed" part is true
yes, i die everyday waiting for my friends to love me like they would die without me
maybe the day may not happen
okay, you can't blame me
since last year, i realised that things never go the way i visualised or imagined
so sometimes, i also gave up on my imagination
there are times that i feel very insecure
yes, this should be the period.
dearest diary, am i that insignificant?
so am i only needed to teach people math and listen to people's complaints?
is that it
what about after education part? where i have to stop teaching people math and haveto stop listening to people's complaints
will my time be up?
i realised that no one is going to help me cos people never will.
okay, people just gonna treat this whole thing as a joke and laugh
dear diary, merry christmas to you!
you are really one of my best friends since 2008.
i love you.

im in a foul mood now

dear diary,
i'm in a foul mood now
seriously, thinking back
i just want this FUCKING YEAR END ASAP
it's a bitter year, super bitter
many inter-personal relationship
too many changes
as usual, i think people treat me like shit
好马被人骑，好人被人欺
i miss my secondary school friends although nobody call me out
but i perfectly fine with it to a certain extent
however, i miss all of my friends dearly
i swear that after a levels, im going to pick up where i left

when we are 27 or 87...

i'm 17 and i have the rest of my life ahead of me. and when we are 27 or 87, i will just want to look back at the remaining couple of months and talk about how it was the best time of our lives